It is July of 2007 in Buenos Aires, Argentina. The temperature is an unlikely 15 degrees Celsius, and though it hasn’t snowed since 1917, Argentina won’t see it’s 93rd year of independence before a smattering of heaven's dandruff hits the streets of BA, cataclysmically prompting a flurry of 6-inch snowmen to sprout about the city.
Scarlett Johannson is on the cover of the latest Vogue, Katie Holmes is on the cover of the latest Harper’s, and as always, thong-wearing women with chests that protrude from their bodies like the exhaust pipes on the Batmobile are on the cover of just about every other magazine you can find at a kiosk. It costs 5 pesos to have your laundry done, and 10 to have a tooth extracted. A three-scoop ice cream sundae with three toppings costs 9 pesos, and a cherry-pineapple Margarita won’t cost less than 12. You can buy a SIM card for your phone for 15 pesos, enjoy a good quality steak for 11 pesos, and get a brand new pair of Fanta orange leather loafers for 90 pesos. The dollar to peso exchange rate is at an all-time high, somewhere between $3.17 and $3.20, depending on the day.
Sundry observations:
A movie you will see adds for on just about every flat surface: Ratatouille (the scene in which the aspiring mouse-chef dances with a carrot, to be precise).
A musical group you are likely to hear on the radio: Soda Stereo
The hottest new dance: The electric tango (It's electric, but fortunately involves no ‘boogie woogie’)
The most talked about man in town aside from Diego Maradona: Sigmund Freud
Something not worth going to see in the theater: Cinderella’s Disney on Ice
Something that would have been worth going to see in the theater: Tanguera, but it closed and has been replaced by Victor Victoria.
What you can’t walk 3 blocks without stumbling upon: a pizzeria
The top three most common empanada fillings (in order of their popularity):
1. carne
2. jamon y queso
3. it’s a toss up between cebolla y queso and pollo
My personal favorite: pumpkin
The most outlandish event discussed in the news: A milk truck driver that emptied the contents of his vehicle (some 6,000 liters of milk), onto another man’s front lawn, landscaping his home with what was officially referred to as “putrid ricotta.” A recent court ruling has granted the homeowner 200,000 pesos in damages.
Something that people are getting excited about: The soccer world finals, (until Argentina loses to Brazil…again).
The spelling of my favorite dessert in almost every pasteleria: ‘Lemon Pay’
The most crowded eatery at 12:30am on any given weekday in the microcenter of the city: McDonald’s
Three things you are likely to hear a porteno complain about:
1. The flu
2. The overtaking of many supermarkets by Chinese shopowners who are rumored to receive government subventions to support their livelihood.
3. The rising price of meat which is forcing Argentines to eat more fish. They generally enjoy the taste of seafood, but not the overall experience of eating it because it is not as filling as meat, and therefore always leaves them hungry.
Five different areas in which you can take a class, according to a sign in Calle Florida subway station:
1. Turtle-breeding
2. Learning to interpret the many meanings of smoke
3. Turning soup cans into percussion instruments
4. Skating on masses of foam
5. Writing constructive messages on post-it notes
A recent, earth-shattering discovery that has rocked popular culture: hip hop music.
